So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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