It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
