Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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