Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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