i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
