it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
