Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
