I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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