i just google imaged poop.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
