I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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