ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I looked at my own cervix.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
