the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Panties = found
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
