So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
