today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
