So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
