Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
