Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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