That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
