and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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