yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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