can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
