Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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