Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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