ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
