Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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