i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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