Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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