I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
