He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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