Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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