Where did you get a picture of my penis
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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