Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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