I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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