About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
