the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
