I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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