R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
