How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you inspire me to be a worse person
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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