i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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