also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
