she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
