This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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