hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want her autograph on my taint
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
