why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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