Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
