what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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