Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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