Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
