Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
