I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
