i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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