He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
