Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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