Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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