Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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