Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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