There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
