when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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