Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
