the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
