Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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