if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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