i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
