so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
