Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
