fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
