Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
