You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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