I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize