i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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