Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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