I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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