That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
