I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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