8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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