dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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